Bloggle Bloggle Bloggle

Let me start off by saying that grammar and sentence structure are no fun.  The lack of blog post could be blamed on my enrollment in school, thus I’ve been too busy with class work.  While this is the most logical and truthful reason; I prefer the following explanation.  I believe that I was in fact a sleeper agent for the Soviets.  I know it seems improbable since I am not Russian but go with me on this.  I believe that they (the Soviets) have been making me use any free time I may have on creating an idiot-proof way to make communism work.  I believe that after 2 months of trying with no results that they have moved on to the next sleeper agent on the list.  I digress, because you don’t want to hear of my attempts to idiot-proof communism, you want another mind numbing blog, so here goes.

Power to the Proletariat...(Seriously, I'm not a commy) 

Some of you may or may not know this (very few do because I haven’t really been advertising it), but I have recently started P90X yet again.  This is my 3^rd attempt to make it through all 90 days and I am quite optimistic about my chances.  Let us first quickly recap why the first two attempts failed.  The first time I attempted this 90 feat it was with some friends of mine (you know who you are, but incase you forgot you are: Nick and Melissa Highley and Jennifer Thomas).  Well, not to point fingers (Nick) but when one of the members of our workout group began to quit I too quit.  I know that is a lame excuse but it is true.  The second attempt was just under a year and a half ago.  I thought for sure I would complete all 90 days since I had an accountabilibuddy (few will get this joke but those who do, I tip my hat to you).  Even with Brad Thomas (that’s right, I called you out too) as my accountabilibuddy, there was just one thing that made completing those 90 days impossible.  Some may be asking what that one thing was, many already know.  Well, for those who didn’t already know, that one this was a ruptured disc in my lower back.  After more than a year though I am ready to begin this 90 day journey again, but you may be wondering what in the world this title has to do with P90X.  Be patient and keep reading.

Tony kind of scares me...

If you were guessing that bloggle bloggle bloggle was referring to turkey than congrats to you my friend.  Now for the big connection between turkey and P90X which would be…I just wanted to take a moment and thank you for continuing to read my blog despite the extended absence…the P90X diet plan (I know, most disappointing lead up of the year).  I am currently in the first stage of P90X and the diet plan, which is a high lean protein and low carb and dairy sort of diet.  Pretty much that means I get to eat lots of turkey products.  In one day, I had 5 different forms of turkey:  turkey burger, turkey bacon, turkey sausage, turkey jerky, and turkey deli meat.  One may become quite hateful towards turkey after so much.  I know I was quite hostile towards it, cursing the turkey bacon letting it know that it wasn’t really bacon.  I then had an aha moment (Mutual of Omaha should do a commercial starring me, because my aha moment was actually an aha moment unlike the vast majority of the ones in their commercials).  My epiphany to my turkey troubles was the realization that the more turkey burgers, turkey bacon, turkey sausage, and turkey jerky I ate, that meant that when I finally had the real thing it was going to make actual burgers, actual bacon, actual sausage, and actual jerky taste that much better.  This realization has helped me choke down turkey bacon burger with a little less disdain towards turkey.  May this help us all in our diet related angst.

Don't read too much into this picture, I like Charlie Brown and there is a turkey in it.

I want to apologize for the Soviets keeping me away from my blog and filling a few minutes of your time with some pointless ramblings.  I know, even though you may not admit it, that you missed these posts and that your lives were hollow and meaningless without them.  I want to assure you, provided that the Soviets don’t claim my free time once more, that I shall continue to provide fullness and meaning to your lives with my blog.

Gobble gobble,

LD

Post-it® Blog-it

Now, when I first started this blog I had no intention of using it to vent, but I’m guessing it was inevitable. If you are confused by what I could possibly have to vent about that involves the little, square, yellow (sometimes other colors and shapes) office supplies, then you should just brace yourself. I promise that even though I am using my blog to expel some discontent, I will keep it entertaining. With that being said, just sit back and listen (well, read).

I want to apologize if the title is misleading because the truth is I have no problem with Post-it® notes at all. In fact, I love Post-it® notes and my frustration is a result of my current employer switching to a different brand. For those who don’t know, a quick side-note about my job. I am a financial processor at Lincoln Financial and I work in a locked room at cubicle. I use various office supplies which Lincoln offers, including sticky notes. (I am not able to divulge any more information due to the highly confidential nature of my job). But, enough about me and my job because I’m sure you are on the edge of your seat waiting to find out what Lincoln switched to instead of Post-it®. Well, in the style of Ryan Seacrest (such a tool) you will have to wait until after the break (which just means the next paragraph).

Stickies™. Lincoln switched to a paler yellow sticky note from Staples® called Stickies™. Note only are they a paler yellow (which I personally find ugly) but the adhesive on them is atrocious. I quite literally have written notes on them and stuck them to the outside of my computer monitor only to have to continually re-attach them because they constantly come unstuck. It is quite the annoyance and way below my expectations of an adhesive note. It has come to the point that I am not only ranting about it online, but I have seriously contemplated purchasing my own personal supply of Post-it® notes to use at work. Staples® Stickies™ are such a poor product that I am making a statement to all of you who have accidentally happened upon this blog and for some reason kept reading, “Do not purchase Staples® Stickies™”. This is more of a warning than a command.

I would like to thank Arthur Fry for inventing the Post-it® note, and a special thanks to Spence Silver (sounds like a TV Character from the 60’s) who invented the glue on the back. I know, you thought it was Romy and Michele who invented them, but then you would just be one who was mislead by an 80’s movie. It is ok, because that can happen to the best of us. Much like an 80’s movie, Post-it® notes are iconic. You have never heard of somebody Stickies™-ing (that sounds so wrong) somebody’s car. In fact, many refer to all adhesive notes as Post-it® notes regardless of brand (much like they do with Kleenex® in regards to facial tissues). In fact, I myself have had some fun times with Post-it® notes. I have used them (more than once) as a way to add some decoration to a friend’s apt (each note having its own special message on it). But, as you can see from the lovely pictures I have added (for those who don’t like to read) there are many things Post-it® notes can be used for, all of which are quite creative.

I will end this post now before one of two things happen. Either I get really preachy about the importance of Post-it® and start an uprising against Staples® and the Stickies™. Option two is I get overly emotional and sentimental as I begin to recall all the times I have used Post-it® notes. It is also a good time to end because I am pretty darn close to being about the usual length of my other blog posts.

If you need to remember something, don’t just write it down, Post-it® (3M should pay me for that slogan)

-LD

It's a Bird...It's a Plane...No, It's LD's Blog

I am not Superman.  I know, you may just be thinking to yourself, “Yeah, I know you’re not Superman, you can’t fly and you don’t have X-ray or heat vision, you don’t have they curly cue or super strength or speed.”  All of this is correct but I was told I look like young version of Superman’s secret identity, Clark Kent, so I felt it necessary to assure you I am not the Man of Steel.  I will be including multiple pictures of actors who have portrayed Superman so you can decide for yourself, but I think it was just a far stretch for a compliment.

George Reeves

Christopher Reeve

When she told me I looked like a young Superman I thought it was absurd.  The funny thing is though, that even though I thought it to be absurd, I was still flattered by it.  In fact, I was quite flattered by it, enough so that I was still thinking about it 2 days later which is why I am typing up this here blog post.  Though, just to be clear, I haven’t been dwelling on whether or not I look like Superman these past 2 days.  I was mostly just reminded about it when I saw one of the more recent actors to portray the Man of Steel in another movie I rented on Netflix.  I rented Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, (Which is good, but I have a feeling I would’ve liked it a lot more had I been 22 when I was watching it) and Brandon Routh was in it as a Vegan (which I am the exact opposite of; I am what you call a Meatatarian, a term coined by Wendy’s in their Baconator commercials. There may be a Baconator vs BK Stacker blog in the near future).  So, the combination of seeing Brandon Routh and being reminded of my recent compliment has resulted in this post.

Brandon Routh

 I don’t plan to discuss the other Superman actors or really even Superman himself, which would be too predictable and mundane.  Actually, I am reminded of Metro Man (voiced by Brad Pitt who I know I look nothing like) from Megamind.  Metro Man is essentially Superman which is the loose connector I am going to use to segway into talking about Megamind which I recently saw at the dollar theater (for $3).  I was a bit apprehensive about this movie because I have rarely liked any star studded DreamWorks animated films, such as:  Madagascar 1 & 2, Over the Hedge, All but the first Shrek, and then most others I had no interest in seeing such as Monsters vs Aliens and Flushed Away.  This being said, I found Megamind to be quite entertaining and surprisingly enough, it wasn’t completely predictable.  If DreamWorks can continue to make films like Megamind and Kung Fu Panda I may just start trusting them.  Maybe, but there its going to take a lot of good to put them anywhere near Pixar, who I’ve learned to no longer doubt (though Cars 2 looks iffy).  Not sure where I was hoping to go with that but I’m going to end it with a recommendation to go out and rent Megamind whenever it comes out.

Dean Cain

Tom Welling

I didn’t include the newest Superman, Henry Cavill, because his movie/show hasn’t come out yet.  That being said, I wish they would’ve rebooted Superman years ago instead of doing Superman Returns because I really liked the cast in that.  I thought Brandon Routh and Kevin Spacey were perfect casts.  But, I guess it is just cool to reboot everything now.  If you don’t know what I’m talking about, let me enlighten you.  Another recent superhero movie franchise is being rebooted soon as well, Spiderman.  I take this one a little harder because I, like most, thought that the first two movies were excellent and only the third one was hard to watch.  I can understand replacing actors and ignoring the third movie but it seems so soon to do a total reboot.  It was less that 10 years ago that I saw Peter Parker first get bit by the mutated spider, and now I have to do that all over again?  I just don’t see the need to do a full reboot.  Just an upgrade is all we need.  For those who thought I was talking about Tron when I was talking about reboots, you are wrong on multiple accounts.  One, I was talking about Spiderman not Tron. And two, Tron Legacy is a continuation of the original Tron movie, not a reboot.  Since Disney has it’s hands on Tron you should expect to see at least one or two more of those in the near future.  But, Disney should be redeeming the Pirates franchise soon enough.  I feel I have begun to ramble to a point that is no longer entertaining.  With that I will end this post.

I am not Superman, but I do have an alter ego,

-LD

Blogsight is 20/20

Did everybody miss me?  Ok, guess you didn’t realize I hadn’t pumped out a post in more than a month.  Does this hurt my feelings?  No because you know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder (though they also say out of sight out of mind, so I’m not sure if “they” are a trustworthy source for quips of advice).  I believe my month long hiatus was well deserved after a 12 day non-stop Christmas Special themed blog series.  You may be wondering what any of this has to do with the title, and that would be nothing.  Sorry for boring you with a bit of an intro talking about my return from my break.  At least I didn’t do the super corny and lame thing and wish everybody a Happy New Year (wait, does that count as saying it?).

If you guessed, this blog post is about eyesight (not hindsight because that would be more of a year in review kind of thing and that’s just isn’t me).  Well, this post is inspired, like my other posts, by a real life event in my life.  It was a couple of weeks ago when I went in to get my eyes examined.  It was one of the luckiest eye exams I have ever had; well, as lucky as an eye appointment can get.  Firstly, some of you may not know but I have extremely bad eyesight.  I hide it well though…I wear contacts.  I actually wear the 30 Night and Day lenses (not to be confused with 30 Days of Night, which is a horrible movie about Alaskan Vampires) which have been approved for continuous wear.  Anyways, point being I hardly ever wear glasses.  I also play a game when I wear my glasses which will be further discussed later.

Seriously awful movie, I believe I fell asleep during it, like I did when I tried watching 300.

Back to the lucky eye appointment, well, firstly I found out that I had overcome an astigmatism in my left eye.  Now, the astigmatism really didn’t bother me much except that the contacts had to be specialty and thus more money.  So, my left eye basically manned up and fixed itself to save me money.  Also, something that was pretty darn cool about my contacts during this appointment is that after the exam, my left and right contact prescriptions were the exact same.  I believe that was the first time that had ever happened in my life.  It may seem pretty insignificant to you who don’t wear contacts but for us contact wearers, it is really exciting.  For the next year or so I don’t have to worry about whether I’m putting the correct contact into the correct eye.  I am trying my best to withhold my excitement about this but just so you know, I am actually as giddy as a school girl (which I hear is pretty darned giddy).  Now, I’m giddy about my cheaper and matching contacts, but that’s not where the luckiness ends.

Normally I have to get my eyes dilated which means I have to wear those really dark shades and light will give me a headache for the next few hours afterwards.  Well, you guessed it; I didn’t have to get my eyes dilated.  Since my optometrist was in a hurry since it was the end of the day she opted to do the digital imaging of my eyes, which normally costs $35.  That’s right, I saved money on my contacts, I got a $35 procedure for free, and I didn’t have to wear those stupid dark shades and I could enjoy watching TV headache free (well, depending on what I watched).  Now, I’m pretty well set as far as my eyes go, I just need to get a new pair of glasses.

Just adding a caption for poops and chuckles.

Well, I know you all skipped down to this part to find out what game I play when I wear my glasses.  I will apologize because it is not very thrilling.  I call it “How Blind Am I?” and this is how you play.  While wearing your glasses you find something in the room with fairly large print, like a poster or banner.  Then you remove your glasses and attempt to read the text.  Sadly, there isn’t a winner in this game, everyone who plays is losing their eyesight thus they are losers (meaning the having lost something, not like somebody who is lame and uncool, glasses don’t automatically make you lame, or smart).  Now, I still have not gone out for new glasses yet, but I think I’m going to go with something bolder than all my previous glasses (the thin wire framed kind).  I will have at least one person with me to help pick them out though, so hopefully I will find a good pair (or two depending on sales).

To those of you who have perfect eyesight and haven’t had to deal with contacts or transition lens that take to long to transition thus making you look like a tool, this post was not meant for you.  This one was meant for my fellow four eyed friends. 

May you all see well,

-LD 

It's A Very Merry Muppet Christmas Blog

I promised a Muppet Christmas Blog and here it is.  I may have waited until the last day but I couldn't decided which Muppet Christmas Special to choose and I didn't want to cram them all into one (each one could've had its very own blog in my series).  Why did I choose this one then?  Well, Muppet Christmas Carol and Muppet Family Christmas are so classic that I honestly was intimidated to write about them.  I haven't seen the Muppet's Letters to Santa since it originally aired and I honestly couldn't remember enough about it to do it justice.  That really only leaves It's A Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie.  Also, I did end up getting this movie for my second cousin, Carter.

I'm not too worried about Carter finding out about this gift and the surprise being ruined for him.  For one thing, Carter is 2 so no offense to the little guy, but I don't think he even realizes who the Muppet's are really (which is totally okay for him since he is only 2).  Also, this gift is going to be given to him within the next 24 hours.  For somebody to really ruin the surprise it would take an awful lot of effort.  Also, anybody willing to go through that much effort to ruin a 2 year olds Christmas surprise is just plain wrong, like worse then the Scrooge but probably just under the Grinch.  I am also fairly certain that out of my few readers, only maybe 2 of you actually know who Carter is thus making it pretty hard for you to tell him if you don't know who he is or what he looks like (for those of you don't know, Carter is my Cousin Jared's son).

This isn't about my awesome gift giving skills though.  This is about a Muppet Christmas movie that is often overlooked.  Now, it is inspired by It's a Wonderful Life which my mother absolutely loves, I myself am not a big fan.  Now, luckily they don't do the "every time a bell rings, an angel gets their wings" thing.  That little phrase is quite annoying.  Nope, it is just what life would be like if Kermit was never born, and as you could imagine, it would be pretty horrible.  Just like if the Muppets were never created, this world wouldn't be the same.  For starters, I wouldn't be typing this post.  Also, there wouldn't be a Sesame Street (I know, I just shuddered at the thought).  Imagine never seeing the Swedish Chef with his "bork, bork, bork" or Pepe ok (Pepe is the King Prawn who says ok after almost everything he says and Pepe is also awesome)?  No Gonzo or even Fozze Bear.  There wouldn't be anybody for the two old men in the balcony, Statler and Woldorf, to mock and criticize.  In fact, there wouldn't be a Statler or Woldorf.  My mind was just blown by trying to imagine a world without Muppet Treasure Island or any other Muppet related movie, series, or even special (like the Scrubs episode, which, Scrubs makes an appearance in this movie).  A world without Muppets is scary, but luckily we still have the Muppets.

I hate to put such a scary, Muppet-less world in your mind and run but that is exactly what I'm going to do.  You see, I still have to get ready to go spend Christmas Eve with some family.  Now, there is no way you can get mad at me for ditching out on this post early so I can go spend time with family on Christmas Eve.  If you do, well then you are the Grinch and I must admit, I feel honored to have such a celebrity as the Grinch read my blog.  I hope all of you are able to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas with your loved ones, in fact, I hope you were able to spend the entire Christmas Season with your loved ones.

Merry Christmas and God Bless you all,

-LD

Blogging All the Way

“Cookies? Who told you you could eat my cookies!?  Put that cookie down, NOW!!” (I really hope somebody was eating a cookie while reading this).  If you were unable to figure out the topic from the title or that hilarious quote, which is funnier in Governor Schwarzenegger’s accent, then I guess I will just tell you.  The 11^th Christmas Special being discussed in this series is Jingle All the Way (Thanks to a suggestion from Brad Thomas).  I just want to make one more quick mention of that opening quote; Governor Schwarzenegger yelling about cookies is immensely funnier then him shouting about getting to some chopper, and that isn’t just my opinion, it is scientific fact.

If you haven’t seen this film the main thing you need to know is that Governor Schwarzenegger (yes, I will be referring to him as that for the rest of the post) and Sinbad are two fathers after a sold out toy, a Turbo Man doll (or action figure).  Now, the Turbo Man was essentially like a Power Ranger.  If you were a little boy in the 90’s, you know how popular, cool, and awesome they were.  Well, take and combine Power Rangers with Tickle Me Elmo and you may come close to the popularity of what a Turbo Man doll has in this movie.  Turbo Man is bigger than big and hilarious situations occur while the two fathers pursue this hot, sold out item.  Nothing special as far as plot goes, as I’ve just told you, but teaming up Governor Schwarzenegger with Sinbad is genius, like teaming up Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor (who is not the father of Terrelle Pryor, one of 5 Ohio State football players who likes to sell off his awards).

Is it the Governor or is it Turbo Man?

One of the real keys to this match up isn’t Governor Schwarzenegger’s accent or his large rippling muscles, but instead it is Sinbad’s comedic timing and rants.  Yes, Sinbad who some thought was dead not too long ago (he is still alive).  In fact, I just saw his recent special on DVD.  I enjoyed this in my managers van on the way back home from my first business trip (I had special training to take in the Chicago area).  One of my fellow co-workers had brought it and if I do say so myself, Sinbad is still hilarious.  But that isn’t very Christmasy.  I have something Sinbad related that is Christmasy though, and it is not Jingle All the Way.  Every year my dad’s company throws a big Christmas party up in Michigan.  What would a GFS Christmas party have to do with Sinbad?  Really?  You haven’t figured it out?  Ok, I will tell you.  Sinbad was there.  No, he isn’t the newest night transit driver for GFS, but instead he was the entertainment and did a private show for all of the GFS employees.  Now, that is pretty exciting and both my mother and father thought he was hilarious.  In fact, my mom even got a bit of it on her camera and let me watch and it was good.  Hopefully I will be able to post the video on this blog.  If not, I apologize in advance for enticing you with the thought of a video clip and disappointing you when there isn’t a clip posted.

I feel like I’ve got myself a bit of a conundrum.  See, I don’t want my blog to take too long to read; otherwise it seems more like a burden to read instead of entertaining.  That having been said, if I am able to add the video that’s an extra 3 minutes added to blog time.  Instead of going on more about Turbo Man and the Governator (you knew it was going to happen sometime) I think I will make this my concluding paragraph.  That way by blog doesn’t seem to blog down your day (get it? Blog down instead of bog down.  That was punny and you know it, see, punny instead of funny since it was a pun).  Yep, that’ll do pig.

It’s Turbo Time,

-LD

Grandma Got Run Over by a Blog

You may be thinking to yourself that LD has finally lost it because Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer is a Christmas song, not a special, but you would be wrong.  It is actually both.  Also, it isn’t just some Christmas song; it was recently voted the second most annoying Christmas song played on the radio.  That’s a pretty big honor because it is on a list with Santa Baby (also a bad Christmas Special, with Jenny McCarthy), I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas, and I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.  All of these are terribly annoying Christmas songs that cause the majority of us to switch radio stations when they come on.  One would think a Christmas special about one of these would be too unappealing to even watch once, but I’ve watched it at least 3 times (I have been ridiculed for watching it as well).

As you should know by now that there is really very little rhyme or reason as to whether or not I like a particular Christmas special.  One may assume I’d be ripping this one to shreds because that could be done very easily.  Well, I implore you not to assume (because it makes an…you should know the saying) because I actually kind of like this special.  I’m not sure why either, there isn’t really anything that sticks out as great to me and I definitely don’t like the song for which it was inspired.  Perhaps it is just the pure uniqueness of the whole thing.  It really is the only special I have seen featuring a missing Grandma, a wicked cousin, a courtroom, and fruitcake.  See, those 4 things and now I have all of you intrigued to this special as well.  Since I can tell you are all anxious to see this special now, I promise to do my best not to reveal too much of it.

Potential Spoiler Alert: It wasn’t Egg Nog that got Grandma ran over.  I won’t tell you what it was though.  Egg Nog is one Christmas tradition that I myself have never indulged in myself.  To me, Egg Nog just doesn’t sound appetizing.  I haven’t had it spiked either.  Even though I must admit I kind of want to try some Nog-A-Sake, a mixture of Egg Nog and sake (a drink I heard about from Andrew Bernard of the Office).  I really just want Nog-A-Sake because it is fun to say (and I hope you just said it out loud).  I guess also because it was mentioned on the Office, even though I haven’t been impressed with recent episodes of the Office.  But, this is about Grandma and her Egg Nog addiction not the quality decline of the Office.  I did say that Egg Nog did not cause Grandma to be run over, but she really did have too much.

Nag-A-Sake

Despite Grandma’s Egg Nog addiction, she did make the best fruitcake.  Now, I know that the topic of fruitcake has been done to death by just about any comedian out there.  I’m not calling myself a comedian to clarify, but I’m just saying the topic has been well covered.  With this topic being so well covered it would be crazy for me to try to add more to it.  Well, call me crazy.  The thing is I’ve never had fruitcake.  I’ve sold it when I worked at GFS but I never have tasted it.  From what I’ve heard from various people, including comedians, I think it has kind of a bad wrap (get it? Since it is Christmas).  To me, it sounds like a pound cake with Skittles in it.  How could that be so bad?  Maybe somebody should just start making pound cakes with Skittles in them and call them fruitcakes.  Actually, Skittles should patent the idea and call them SkittleCakes.  I would totally try a SkittleCake.  I’m not big on desserts but I love Skittles and I’m not against cake.  I think SkittleCake could be my best idea since December 15^th being Die Hard day. 

So, I don’t think I really talked about the special.  I may have mentioned it but the majority is more rants about Egg Nog and fruitcake (and the soon to be holiday treat, SkittleCake).  I feel good about that.  The random rants feel natural and organic so I’m leaving them.  Also, I like how my blog is self-aware.  I say that meaning that when I type I know it’s a blog and not some great piece of literature.  There are probably tons of grammatical errors but as long as it can be read an understood I’m ok with it.  I mean, this is for entertainment not some English course, am I right?  Of course I’m right.  It is my blog.  I’m always right (ok, I know I’m not always right, infact, I was corrected on the Elf blog that the whale with a unicorn horn is a real animal called a narwhal).  Anyways, I’ve kept you from trying to find and watch Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer long enough.

As for me and Grandpa, we believe,

-LD