Rudolph the Red-Nosed Blogdeer

We all know the song and I hope that the majority of you have seen the claymation special.  In fact, it is the longest running Christmas TV special and has been shown at least once a year since 1964.  This fact alone could arguably make Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer the most classic Christmas Special still around.  I watch it every year but, I only watch it out of respect of its classicness and longevity.  This is because Rudolph is my least favorite Christmas Special.  I despise him and his little dentist elf friend, Hermey (not that I have a problem with elves, but I do not like the dentist). 

Hermey the wanna-be dentist and Rudolph

Firstly, I have one major problem with the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer special that I must get off my chest right now.  Why is Santa skinny?  The Santa in this special is not only skinny but he is mean and ill tempered (probably because Mrs. Claus has him on a diet which is making him testy).  I don’t know about you, but the Santa I know and love would not have put down Rudolph like the one in this special.  The Santa I know sings about believing in love (like in the Year Without a Santa Claus) and would never discriminate against a young reindeer calf (yes, it is calf and not fawn because a reindeer is technically a caribou and not a deer) just because of a red nose.  I don’t know why this grumpy curmudgeon of a Santa Claus isn’t pointed out more often.  To me, Santa is supposed to be like that loving grandpa that everybody loves, not the old man sitting on a rocking chair on his porch yelling cruel (and sometimes bigoted) insults at pedestrians as they pass, which in my mind is the Santa depicted in Rudolph.  Somebody needs to get that Santa some milk and cookies stat.

A skinny Santa preparing to verbally abuse Rudolph and his mother

Let us overlook the poor depiction of Santa Claus and do a quick examination of Rudolph.  Why is it that we are meant to cheer for such a cry baby with a whiney voice?  I think we should start calling him Rudolph the Emo Reindeer.  He continually goes on about his red nose and how everything is his fault.  For some reason Clarice actually likes him.  I mean, she is one cute reindeer (if I do say so myself) yet she goes off searching for Rudolph when he runs away.  If I was her I would’ve let that red-nosed cry baby go and I would find myself a real reindeer.  But nope, she likes Rudolph, and even though Rudolph has this cute reindeer who wants him, he is still a crying little baby.  If you can’t reindeer up and deal with a little bit of teasing then I don’t want to watch a special all about you.  Let alone 2 other specials (I don’t include Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and the Island of Misfit Toys).

Clarice the Cutie

How is it that both Rudolph and Frosty’s Christmas in July and Rudolph’s Shiny New Year are supposed to take place after Rudolph had saved Christmas (with his shining nose during the fog…you know the story) yet in these specials he is back to being a young reindeer?  At the end of the original special, Rudolph has grown up and has a full set of antlers, yet some how he must’ve found a time machine and was transformed back into a pre-teen reindeer for his sequels.  I don’t know about you, but that kind of irks me.  Also, why is Rudolph and Frosty even in the circus together?  The concept makes no sense at all.  You’re telling me that Frosty leaves those kids who created him (some of them cry when he leaves) so he can join the circus with an emo pre-teen reindeer and I’m supposed to be ok with that?  I don’t buy it.  It was a weak attempt to combine the most beloved snowmen with a reindeer I don’t much care for.  As far as Rudolph’s Shiny New Year, what really makes Rudolph qualified to save Baby New Year?  His job in saving Christmas was essentially the same as a headlight on a car.  If one of my friends loses a baby, I’m not just going to hop in my car and turn on the high beams.  As you can tell, I have no faith in Rudolph.

Now, I don’t like the specials as you can tell, but I must admit they aren’t all bad.  I do like Burl Ives as Sam the Snowmen.  I like Burl Ives when he sings Christmas songs because that is down right classic right there (it makes me want to have a holly jolly Christmas).  Also, I get a kick out of Yukon Cornelius mainly because he of his infinite knowledge of the Bumble Monster (the Abominable Snow Monster of the North) and his almost Walker Texas Ranger like (he sniffs the air and licks his pick ax) search methods for silver and gold (actually turns out he was searching for peppermint).  But even all the moments I like don’t redeem any of these specials for me.  I still watch them, but I don’t enjoy them quite like I do with most Christmas Specials.

4 down and 8 to go, what will I write about next?

-LD