It's A Very Merry Muppet Christmas Blog

I promised a Muppet Christmas Blog and here it is.  I may have waited until the last day but I couldn't decided which Muppet Christmas Special to choose and I didn't want to cram them all into one (each one could've had its very own blog in my series).  Why did I choose this one then?  Well, Muppet Christmas Carol and Muppet Family Christmas are so classic that I honestly was intimidated to write about them.  I haven't seen the Muppet's Letters to Santa since it originally aired and I honestly couldn't remember enough about it to do it justice.  That really only leaves It's A Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie.  Also, I did end up getting this movie for my second cousin, Carter.

I'm not too worried about Carter finding out about this gift and the surprise being ruined for him.  For one thing, Carter is 2 so no offense to the little guy, but I don't think he even realizes who the Muppet's are really (which is totally okay for him since he is only 2).  Also, this gift is going to be given to him within the next 24 hours.  For somebody to really ruin the surprise it would take an awful lot of effort.  Also, anybody willing to go through that much effort to ruin a 2 year olds Christmas surprise is just plain wrong, like worse then the Scrooge but probably just under the Grinch.  I am also fairly certain that out of my few readers, only maybe 2 of you actually know who Carter is thus making it pretty hard for you to tell him if you don't know who he is or what he looks like (for those of you don't know, Carter is my Cousin Jared's son).

This isn't about my awesome gift giving skills though.  This is about a Muppet Christmas movie that is often overlooked.  Now, it is inspired by It's a Wonderful Life which my mother absolutely loves, I myself am not a big fan.  Now, luckily they don't do the "every time a bell rings, an angel gets their wings" thing.  That little phrase is quite annoying.  Nope, it is just what life would be like if Kermit was never born, and as you could imagine, it would be pretty horrible.  Just like if the Muppets were never created, this world wouldn't be the same.  For starters, I wouldn't be typing this post.  Also, there wouldn't be a Sesame Street (I know, I just shuddered at the thought).  Imagine never seeing the Swedish Chef with his "bork, bork, bork" or Pepe ok (Pepe is the King Prawn who says ok after almost everything he says and Pepe is also awesome)?  No Gonzo or even Fozze Bear.  There wouldn't be anybody for the two old men in the balcony, Statler and Woldorf, to mock and criticize.  In fact, there wouldn't be a Statler or Woldorf.  My mind was just blown by trying to imagine a world without Muppet Treasure Island or any other Muppet related movie, series, or even special (like the Scrubs episode, which, Scrubs makes an appearance in this movie).  A world without Muppets is scary, but luckily we still have the Muppets.

I hate to put such a scary, Muppet-less world in your mind and run but that is exactly what I'm going to do.  You see, I still have to get ready to go spend Christmas Eve with some family.  Now, there is no way you can get mad at me for ditching out on this post early so I can go spend time with family on Christmas Eve.  If you do, well then you are the Grinch and I must admit, I feel honored to have such a celebrity as the Grinch read my blog.  I hope all of you are able to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas with your loved ones, in fact, I hope you were able to spend the entire Christmas Season with your loved ones.

Merry Christmas and God Bless you all,

-LD

Blogging All the Way

“Cookies? Who told you you could eat my cookies!?  Put that cookie down, NOW!!” (I really hope somebody was eating a cookie while reading this).  If you were unable to figure out the topic from the title or that hilarious quote, which is funnier in Governor Schwarzenegger’s accent, then I guess I will just tell you.  The 11^th Christmas Special being discussed in this series is Jingle All the Way (Thanks to a suggestion from Brad Thomas).  I just want to make one more quick mention of that opening quote; Governor Schwarzenegger yelling about cookies is immensely funnier then him shouting about getting to some chopper, and that isn’t just my opinion, it is scientific fact.

If you haven’t seen this film the main thing you need to know is that Governor Schwarzenegger (yes, I will be referring to him as that for the rest of the post) and Sinbad are two fathers after a sold out toy, a Turbo Man doll (or action figure).  Now, the Turbo Man was essentially like a Power Ranger.  If you were a little boy in the 90’s, you know how popular, cool, and awesome they were.  Well, take and combine Power Rangers with Tickle Me Elmo and you may come close to the popularity of what a Turbo Man doll has in this movie.  Turbo Man is bigger than big and hilarious situations occur while the two fathers pursue this hot, sold out item.  Nothing special as far as plot goes, as I’ve just told you, but teaming up Governor Schwarzenegger with Sinbad is genius, like teaming up Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor (who is not the father of Terrelle Pryor, one of 5 Ohio State football players who likes to sell off his awards).

Is it the Governor or is it Turbo Man?

One of the real keys to this match up isn’t Governor Schwarzenegger’s accent or his large rippling muscles, but instead it is Sinbad’s comedic timing and rants.  Yes, Sinbad who some thought was dead not too long ago (he is still alive).  In fact, I just saw his recent special on DVD.  I enjoyed this in my managers van on the way back home from my first business trip (I had special training to take in the Chicago area).  One of my fellow co-workers had brought it and if I do say so myself, Sinbad is still hilarious.  But that isn’t very Christmasy.  I have something Sinbad related that is Christmasy though, and it is not Jingle All the Way.  Every year my dad’s company throws a big Christmas party up in Michigan.  What would a GFS Christmas party have to do with Sinbad?  Really?  You haven’t figured it out?  Ok, I will tell you.  Sinbad was there.  No, he isn’t the newest night transit driver for GFS, but instead he was the entertainment and did a private show for all of the GFS employees.  Now, that is pretty exciting and both my mother and father thought he was hilarious.  In fact, my mom even got a bit of it on her camera and let me watch and it was good.  Hopefully I will be able to post the video on this blog.  If not, I apologize in advance for enticing you with the thought of a video clip and disappointing you when there isn’t a clip posted.

I feel like I’ve got myself a bit of a conundrum.  See, I don’t want my blog to take too long to read; otherwise it seems more like a burden to read instead of entertaining.  That having been said, if I am able to add the video that’s an extra 3 minutes added to blog time.  Instead of going on more about Turbo Man and the Governator (you knew it was going to happen sometime) I think I will make this my concluding paragraph.  That way by blog doesn’t seem to blog down your day (get it? Blog down instead of bog down.  That was punny and you know it, see, punny instead of funny since it was a pun).  Yep, that’ll do pig.

It’s Turbo Time,

-LD

Grandma Got Run Over by a Blog

You may be thinking to yourself that LD has finally lost it because Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer is a Christmas song, not a special, but you would be wrong.  It is actually both.  Also, it isn’t just some Christmas song; it was recently voted the second most annoying Christmas song played on the radio.  That’s a pretty big honor because it is on a list with Santa Baby (also a bad Christmas Special, with Jenny McCarthy), I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas, and I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.  All of these are terribly annoying Christmas songs that cause the majority of us to switch radio stations when they come on.  One would think a Christmas special about one of these would be too unappealing to even watch once, but I’ve watched it at least 3 times (I have been ridiculed for watching it as well).

As you should know by now that there is really very little rhyme or reason as to whether or not I like a particular Christmas special.  One may assume I’d be ripping this one to shreds because that could be done very easily.  Well, I implore you not to assume (because it makes an…you should know the saying) because I actually kind of like this special.  I’m not sure why either, there isn’t really anything that sticks out as great to me and I definitely don’t like the song for which it was inspired.  Perhaps it is just the pure uniqueness of the whole thing.  It really is the only special I have seen featuring a missing Grandma, a wicked cousin, a courtroom, and fruitcake.  See, those 4 things and now I have all of you intrigued to this special as well.  Since I can tell you are all anxious to see this special now, I promise to do my best not to reveal too much of it.

Potential Spoiler Alert: It wasn’t Egg Nog that got Grandma ran over.  I won’t tell you what it was though.  Egg Nog is one Christmas tradition that I myself have never indulged in myself.  To me, Egg Nog just doesn’t sound appetizing.  I haven’t had it spiked either.  Even though I must admit I kind of want to try some Nog-A-Sake, a mixture of Egg Nog and sake (a drink I heard about from Andrew Bernard of the Office).  I really just want Nog-A-Sake because it is fun to say (and I hope you just said it out loud).  I guess also because it was mentioned on the Office, even though I haven’t been impressed with recent episodes of the Office.  But, this is about Grandma and her Egg Nog addiction not the quality decline of the Office.  I did say that Egg Nog did not cause Grandma to be run over, but she really did have too much.

Nag-A-Sake

Despite Grandma’s Egg Nog addiction, she did make the best fruitcake.  Now, I know that the topic of fruitcake has been done to death by just about any comedian out there.  I’m not calling myself a comedian to clarify, but I’m just saying the topic has been well covered.  With this topic being so well covered it would be crazy for me to try to add more to it.  Well, call me crazy.  The thing is I’ve never had fruitcake.  I’ve sold it when I worked at GFS but I never have tasted it.  From what I’ve heard from various people, including comedians, I think it has kind of a bad wrap (get it? Since it is Christmas).  To me, it sounds like a pound cake with Skittles in it.  How could that be so bad?  Maybe somebody should just start making pound cakes with Skittles in them and call them fruitcakes.  Actually, Skittles should patent the idea and call them SkittleCakes.  I would totally try a SkittleCake.  I’m not big on desserts but I love Skittles and I’m not against cake.  I think SkittleCake could be my best idea since December 15^th being Die Hard day. 

So, I don’t think I really talked about the special.  I may have mentioned it but the majority is more rants about Egg Nog and fruitcake (and the soon to be holiday treat, SkittleCake).  I feel good about that.  The random rants feel natural and organic so I’m leaving them.  Also, I like how my blog is self-aware.  I say that meaning that when I type I know it’s a blog and not some great piece of literature.  There are probably tons of grammatical errors but as long as it can be read an understood I’m ok with it.  I mean, this is for entertainment not some English course, am I right?  Of course I’m right.  It is my blog.  I’m always right (ok, I know I’m not always right, infact, I was corrected on the Elf blog that the whale with a unicorn horn is a real animal called a narwhal).  Anyways, I’ve kept you from trying to find and watch Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer long enough.

As for me and Grandpa, we believe,

-LD

Frosty the Blogman

I don’t know about you, but I build at least one snowman every winter.  It became a bit more difficult when I wasn’t living in out in the country with a ton of yard to work with but I still did it.  Some of you who know me will know that I built snowmen in the small grassy area by the W.E.B. and also in the front yard that the Highley’s (also Terel and Robbie for a small period of time) used to live.  This post isn’t about my awesome snowman building abilities though (but I am a pro), instead it is about the most famous snowman of all time, Frosty.  Frosty has at least 4 well-known specials which is pretty impressive, even though he has to share the title of one of them with that little red-nosed punkdeer better known as Rudolph.

Me with one of the W.E.B. Snowmen I built

Frosty is pretty great, he may not be the smartest character but he had a heart of gold.  When I say not the smartest character I’m being kind too (he was unable to count to 10).  But, he literally sacrificed himself to save that little girl in the first movie (this movie is old and popular enough I feel no need for spoiler alerts).  You may not remember, but she was about to freeze to death but Frosty saved her.  After finding a greenhouse (and if you haven’t been in one, they are hot and humid) Frosty, braves the heat and brings her inside.  Now, he ends up getting trapped in the greenhouse and melts but the point is that he did it all to save that little girl.  Like I said, not bright but heart of gold, well, classic Frosty that is.  No offense to John Goodman, but I’m not a huge fan of Frosty Returns.  The animation looks like a rip-off of Charlie Brown and it just seems too, I don’t know what but there is just too much of it.  It is a shame too though, because I do like Goodman’s voice for Frosty (I don’t care what you say, but to me he has the voice for a jolly fat man of snow).

Frosty...Duh

In fear of ticking off Jack Frost, I will give him a quick tip of the magic hat here.  If you are wondering what Jack Frost has to do with Frosty then you haven’t seen Frosty’s Winter Wonderland.  If you had seen it, then you will recall that Jack gets jealous of all the attention Frosty gets and attempts to ruin all the fun for Frosty.  Well Jack, I just want to say that I myself really like your very own self titled Christmas Special (which I sadly do not own…yet).  I know that without Mr. Frost there wouldn’t be any snow to make Frosty.  I also want to clarify when I’m talking about Jack Frost I am talking about the guy who looks like a chilly elf who nips at your nose, not that movie about the dead musician dad who comes back as a snowman.  Think I just made up that last part?  Go ahead; question my knowledge of all crummy Christmas movies.   Look it up, you will find that I am 100% correct.  Guess you just got Christmas movie owned.  Anyways, Jack Frost deserves props for snow so we can have Frosty.

Jack Frost (see, chilly looking elf)

Snowmen are great because they aren’t just Christmasy.  That is the very reason why I purchase some sort of snowman decoration for my dear mother every Christmas.  I literally (also, when I say literally it is in the correct context, I know the difference between literally and figuratively and if you don’t then you need to learn or you shouldn’t use those words at all, ever) started her snowman collection.  Others now will buy my mom snowman stuff because she now officially collects them.  I think that it is a better Christmas gift then any sort of Santa decoration (no offense to the big man) because you shouldn’t be displaying Santa all winter long (I guess it is “tacky”).  But a snowman on the other hand, you can keep those out for all to see up until spring time.  To me, you are getting a lot more bang for your Christmas gift that way.  Someday I should really get mom an actual Frosty figurine; she doesn’t have a legit Frosty one yet, just a bunch of generic snowmen.

I hope the weather soon will give me good packing snow so I can build my annual snowman.  I’ve never placed a hat upon ones head before so maybe this year I will try that because secretly every time I build a snowman I hope it comes to life like Frosty.  Seriously, if you know me then you probably know that I will do just about anything for the story but could you believe how awesome of a story that would make.  I could start up a whole new blog dedicated to stories about me and my snowman.  It could easily become a book.  Then it would become a crummy Christmas movie with sequels upon sequels.  I can see it now.  Well, now I’ve lost all interest in this blog and I’m daydreaming about the adventures I will have with my snowman, Franklin (like the puppet from Arrested Development).

Happy Birthday,

-LD 

Does Everyone Know What Time it is? Blog Time!!!

No, this isn’t a post about Home Improvement or Tool Time (which was actually a part of Home Improvement) but it is a post about the Santa Clause series.  The connection if you haven’t made it already is that Tim Allen is the star of both.  That’s right, the Tool Man replaced his Neanderthalic grunts for jolly ho ho ho’s.  He traded in his hot rod for a shining red sleigh with 8 reindeer power.  He’s trading in Al for a sidekick elf name Bernard.  He gave up his shop full of tools for a workshop full of working elves and toys.  I could keep going but they really only make sense if you have seen both and I question how popular they are with my blog audience.

That all being said, I know many probably don’t care much for the Santa Clause but my mother thinks it is pretty swell so I have bought for her the first 2 (she admits to not caring much for the 3^rd).  I must agree with her that the first two are pretty good as far as feature Christmas movies go.  Now, for me it is always difficult to please me when you are dealing with Santa.  As you may have noticed from previous posts, I have pretty strong feelings about how I like my Santa portrayed. Luckily for the Tool Man, he didn’t screw up the part.  They also did a good job of keeping the general Santa story intact as far as the elves and the milk and cookies and reindeer.  Sometimes when a movie takes their own idea about Santa they end up changing too much which turns me off to the whole concept.  This one was very unique and even I was able to get into it and support it.  I was also surprised at how jolly Tim Allen was once he put on the Christmas suit.  Though, now that I think about it, I shouldn’t have been.

Tim the Toy Man Taylor (lame I know)

Tim Allen not only did the 3 Santa Clause movies but he was also in another Christmas movie, Christmas with the Kranks (base on Grisham’s novel Skipping Christmas).  Granted, he does play a bit of a scrooge in the film but it is still a Christmas movie.  But that was after the Santa Clause movie.  What should have led me on to Tim’s ability to be full of Christmas cheer was Home Improvement.  I do believe that ther was a Christmas episode every year.  Most of them focusing around Tim’s obsession to win the neighborhood lights contest (usually his were over the top and extreme and he lost to some doctor).  Now, I’m not going to give Tim Allen a pass for life like I did Chevy Chase, but I would give him a many hug with 3 back pats for his roles in these Christmas flicks. Now, regardless of how you feel about Tim Allen as a standup comedian or actor, the fact remains that the Santa Clause can be considered up there in the top Christmas movies that were released in theaters along with the likes of Christmas Vacation, Jim Carrey’s Grinch and Christmas Carol, Elf, and various others (I really haven’t seen as many as I would like but I hear Fred Clause is good too).

Bernard the Elf (or the Dude from Numb3rs)

I know this is one of my shorter Christmas Special posts but I have a confession to make.  I know this is a public blog so it isn’t a secret, just a confession.  As you may know, it is well into the evening on December 20, 2010 and I have yet to begin wrapping presents.  I also have to completely clean house before any guests arrive which will definitely be on Christmas and maybe even before.  Instead of focusing anymore time on this I will begin to clean.  Hopefully I can get enough of a head start on cleaning that I can have time to wrap presents tomorrow (also, I have to wrap whatever my dad has bought for my mother).  Luckily, I have completed all of my Christmas shopping (even though one item isn’t due to arrive until Christmas Eve).  So with all this I hope you forgive how I rushed this blog.

Something clever involving Tim Allen and Christmas

-LD

Friends Call Me Blog Miser

If any one of you called me on my cell phone right now I would be altered with a ringtone of FM Static’s cover of Snow Miser.  This is because The Year Without a Santa Claus is my favorite Christmas Special.  I’m not saying it is the best Christmas Special, but it is my favorite.  The reason for that is mainly because of the Snow Miser and the Heat Miser (which Thousand Foot Crutch did a rockin’ cover of the Heat Miser song).  I’m not sure why but I truly enjoy their portion in the special.  Also, this special has my favorite version of Santa (the only reason it isn’t the one from Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town is because that Santa is young throughout the majority of the special).  Well, guess that’s enough of an intro, let us dive in shall we?

I want to start off by defending Santa in his decision to take a holiday and skip Christmas.  Firstly, it was the elf doctor who told him that he should spend the day at home recovery from a bad cold.  Granted, he was a very scroogey elf doctor, but Santa was just following doctor’s orders.  Also, how old is Santa by then anyways?  I work for a retirement company and I can tell you one thing for certain, Santa is way past retirement age.  Sure, we all know Santa is magic but there is only so much magic can do to prevent the aging process, look at Dumbledore (also, I do not support the way ABC Family always shows Harry Potter during its 25 Days of Christmas).  Even if we take Santa’s age out of the equation, how many of us can claim we have enough of a work ethic to never take a vacation from work or school?  If you said you do then I will call you out as a liar right now.  We all need a break to recharge our batteries no matter what it is we are doing.  Also, even though he is obviously under the weather he still goes after Jingle and Jangle Bells (by the way, those are the best names for 2 elves ever) and little Vixen when they go to find some Christmas Spirit.  This act proves that Santa isn't completely selfish.  Also, Santa sings that song I had previously mentioned in another blog about how he believes in Santa like he believes in love.  Now, does that sound like a man who doesn't deserve a holiday?

Snow Miser and Heat Miser (in respective order)

Now, I can totally look past the fact that the main kid, Iggy, is a ginger.  Guess it is because of the Christmas Season also, the Snow and Heat Miser just the special for me.  I realize the songs they sing aren’t by any means masterpieces or really all that clever.  All I do know about those songs is that they are darn catchy and I love them (thus the ringtone).  Heck, it could’ve been these songs that subconsciously made me decide to play the trombone (heavily featured in the songs).  It was these songs that began my love for these two characters, so when they were given their own Christmas Special on ABC Family I had to watch it (and DVR it).  Now, the Miser Brothers’ Christmas wasn’t really everything I had hoped it would be.  The updated animation had me thrown off a bit and I couldn’t get past how much the North Wind (the bad guy in the special) looked like Jay Leno.  I could’ve gotten past the resemblance if Jay Leno would’ve done the voice for the North Wind.  I guess I just had too high of standards for the new Miser Brothers special.  Luckily, it didn’t tarnish my love for the original Heat and Snow Misers in the least bit.  I must be honest, of the two I prefer Snow Miser.  That is probably because physically I look more like the Snow Miser (tall and lanky) who is quite the devilishly handsome miser if I do say so myself.

Jay Leno...oops, I mean North Wind (see the confusion?)

Spoiler Alert: Santa doesn’t end up taking a holiday and Christmas goes on as planned.  You see, Mrs. Claus and the gang go through all this trouble to get people to let him have a holiday.  In doing this, the world reminds Santa of why he does Christmas in the first place.  There is a great scene where they show kids of every nation preparing Christmas presents.  Also, the best use of the song Blue Christmas is used in this special.  I don’t know about you, but when Santa blows his nose like a trumpet blast and tells the elves to prepare the sled for Christmas it brings a little tear of joy to my eye (my left eye to be exact).  I’m sure this is the Christmas Special that got me hooked on them and I can’t imagine a year without watching a Year Without a Santa Claus ( I know, a little lame and corny but if you know me at all then you know I had to type it).

There'll be no year without a Santa Claus,

-LD

Mr. Magoo's Christmas Blog

Today was this first time I had watched Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol and I was unsure what to expect.  I mean, I knew there would be 4 ghost (yes 4, because many forget about Jacob Marley’s ghost) and a tiny Tim because those are in every version of the Christmas Carol.  I watched it today because it was included in one of my Christmas Classic Collection sets.  Now with any Christmas Special I go into with an open mind and Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol was no different.

Now, I realize that the Christmas Carol isn’t the happiest story, well at least til the end.  There are many depressing aspects to this story.  That being said, I have never seen an animated/family version of the Christmas Carol that was so gloomy.  I was expecting more comic relief but the majority of that was just vague references to Mr. Magoo needing spectacles (for those who don’t know, Magoo is a pretty blind old man).  Usually I can fully appreciate old cartoons but perhaps I just don’t get Mr. Magoo.  I was able to look past the animation which is very basic but I just felt it needed more humor.  It’s not that it was a bad special by any means.  In fact, I liked how they switched up the order of the ghosts.  They actually had the spirits come with the Ghost of Christmas Present first and then the Ghost of Christmas Past flowing right into the Ghost of Christmases yet to come.  I’m just clarifying that I didn’t dislike this special.

Mr. Magoo

There were lots of musical numbers (probably because the premise is that Magoo is doing the Christmas Carol show on Broadway) which is always a plus for a Christmas Special.  The problem is that the majority of them are kind of sad.  There is one in particular that I really could’ve used some comic relief soon after, but it just didn’t come.  The song I’m discussing is when Scrooge is a young lonely lad.  He is in the school house alone singing about how alone he is and then the old Scrooge joins in the song.  How depressing is that?  Not all the songs are depressing though.  There is this song the Cratchit Family sings about what they want for Christmas Dinner.  It could be considered depressing but Tiny Tim gives it the old razzle dazzle (this is a great pun if you’ve seen it, because Tiny Tim keeps bringing up razzleberry sauce).  It’s quite cute and the song ends up having a very good message at the end.

Alright, I feel like I’m forcing this blog.  I guess I just need to relax and let it flow more.  I feel I’m over thinking it because of my unfamiliarity with Mr. Magoo.  The only experience I’ve had with Mr. Magoo before watching this special was the Leslie Nielson (I took a brief moment of silence after typing that in remembrance of him) movie in the late 90’s.  Leslie was a great comedic actor.  From Naked Gun to Airplane he has had some memorable roles.  Surely you must have seen one of the many films he has been in (and I hope somebody out there said out loud, “Don’t call me Shirley”).  Now, much like I said with Will Ferrel, I think Leslie is a hilarious actor, but I’m not necessarily a fan of all his movies.  I must admit, most of his roles late in life were not in films that I never saw nor did I have a desire to see.  He was in a lot of the recent spoof and satire movies which in my opinion aren’t quite as good as the older satire movies.  Spaceballs being one of my favorite satire movies of all time (I realize Mr. Nielson was not in Spaceballs).  Keeping with the Christmas theme I want to point out Leslie played Santa Claus in a TV movie called Santa Who?. Mr. Nielson will always be remembered whenever I watch the movie Airplane.

I hope the topic switch to a recently deceased actor didn’t depress you.  If it did, I apologize and I recommend you not watch Mr. Magoo Christmas Carol because it may depress you as well.  I don’t mean for this to sound like I’m coming hard on Mr. Magoo, but I guess it just isn’t the Christmas Carol for me.  The Christmas Carol for me is more up the Muppets Christmas Carol route.  Which I have been unable to locate in the stores so I count myself as blessed that I have friends who own it and will allow me to watch it with them (because that is what Christmas is all about).

Have a Razzle Dazzle Christmas

-LD